


pain that makes me breathe

by draculard



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draculard/pseuds/draculard
Summary: "Do I look like him?" Luke asks.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Luke Skywalker, Past Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Vader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69
Collections: It's All in the Name (Take #1)





	pain that makes me breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aurae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurae/gifts).



It’s the dead of night and the sounds of the desert outside are loud, but old Ben Kenobi’s hovel is so small they can hear each other breathing. Luke lies on his back in a small cot, a blanket thrown over him to ward off the chill of night on Tatooine; his eyes are open, fixed on the ceiling. When he closes them, he sees Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, the charred piles of ash mixing with sand in the wind, the scorch marks on the walls of their home.

He sighs; he knows immediately that Ben has heard him. He casts about silently — desperately — for something to say, something he can use to distract the old man from what’s really bothering him.

“Do I look like him?” Luke asks.

He didn’t mean to say that. If anything, that’s worse than talking about Owen and Beru. Across the room, lying on an old slab of softened stone that can’t possibly be comfortable enough for sleep, Ben says, “Who, Luke?”

_ Say something else, _ Luke tells himself.

Out loud, he says, “My father.” And when Ben doesn’t answer right away, he turns on his side, props himself up on his elbow, peers through the dark. “You said you knew him,” he reminds Ben.

“I did,” Ben acknowledges. For a long moment, Luke thinks he won’t answer him, not properly. He can’t decide if that’s what he wants. But then he hears the rustle of Ben’s robes and, even in the dark, can see him sitting up, elbows on his knees, to face Luke.

“I do, don’t I?” Luke says, and saying it opens up a fresh wound in his chest, forcing him to lie down and stare at the ceiling again. He blinks rapidly, swallows against the tightness in his throat.

Ben’s voice is so soft he barely hears it. “Yes, Luke. You do.”

Eyes closed, he sees Owen and Beru collapsed on the sand, their bodies impossible to tell apart. Eyes open, his vision blurs and he can’t see a thing.

He feels rather than hears it when Ben stands and crosses the floor, his footsteps silent. If he were deaf and blind, he’d still known Ben was standing next to his cot, just inches away; maybe that’s what Ben means when he says Luke has a gift. Maybe it’s something he’d know no matter who his father was.

The cot creaks when Ben sits next to Luke, his thigh touching Luke’s arm, their hands brushing against each other.

“You look like him,” says Ben, and his voice is heavy and pained, his eyes far away. “But you’re not him, Luke.”

The words sting. Luke stares up at the ceiling, everything crowding in on him all at once, all the events of the day threatening to send him over the edge. He thinks he might scream, thinks he might lash out, but all he does is close his eyes and turn his head away.

He feels Ben’s lips against his, cool and dry. As light as a touch from a ghost.

“You’re not him,” Ben whispers.

The tears dry up. The knot in his chest loosens. The lump in his throat dissolves, the rage fades away. When he takes a breath, it feels like the first rush of clear, fresh air he’s ever had in his life.

He doesn’t know why the kiss moves him or why he reaches for Ben’s hand, stops him from moving away.

He doesn’t know why the words bring him a measure of peace.


End file.
